If you look up the word skeptic in the dictionary, don’t be surprised to see my face sporting that “Yeah, right” look.  So, when I first heard about Ultra-Slim light therapy treatments I laughed and went on munching my chips and salsa.  Then, I started reading and researching about Ultra-Slim and my curiosity was piqued.

I made an appointment for a free consultation with my chiropractor, a great fellow I taught in 7th, 8th, and 9th grades.  I went in prepared to grill him on everything Ultra-Slim.  He remembered his school days and was prepared for a full-scale rhetorical onslaught.  Heck, after surviving 3 years in my English classes, I’ll bet he was sweating it…just a little.

This method just might work!

I made an appointment and the next thing I know, there I am standing in my bra and panties getting measured by this kid I used to teach.  For those of you who aren’t educators, we always think of our former students as kids–even when they become doctors!  I start speaking with the nurse, and wouldn’t you know it, I taught her in middle school, too.  It was a regular class reunion with a mostly naked teacher!

After the “we’re all trying really hard not to make this awkward” measuring session, I was ready to go under the light.  Imagine being placed under a carefully aimed heat lamp where you have to lie real still and cook for about 8 minutes.  At that point, the doctor comes in and turns you so that the machine can broil you up nice and evenly. So, my fat got roasted on the belly, love handles, thunder thighs, and boo-tay.

Afterwards, the doctor repeated the measurements.  He marked the spots on the first go around to ensure he was measuring the exact same spots for the “after”.  The methodology is to add up all the measurements and then compare the numbers.  So, after a total of 32 minutes under the amazing fat-burning machine I was down 2 6/8 inches.   The doctor provided a computation to show calorie equivalents forgiven…nice verbiage, right there, Ultra-Slim marketers.

The final step of the treatment was a ride on a bizarre shaker machine.  It looks like a stair-stepper, but instead of stepping you just stand there and vibrate.  It’s pretty intense.  You vibrate a lot.  If your grandma had one of those machines that trimmed the waist with a belt, it’s kind of like that.  I now know how to twerk thanks to this machine.  Remember talking into a fan when you were a kid?  It works with this shaker machine, too!

Once home, instructions include downing a gallon of water daily (hardest part) and wearing compression clothing for several hours a day.  I’m not used to wearing a girdle, so jimmying myself into one of those babies has been a bit of a challenge.  I’ve had two treatments now at 2 6/8 total inches a pop.  The scale is moving steadily downward and I’m under a buck-fifty for the first time in about 3 years.




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