Ode to Preservatives: The Mostly True Story of a Sausage and Its Quest for Immortality

It all began back on September 11th when I decided to try out the microwavable mini sausage biscuits I’d been pumping down my kids ever since that really good BOGO at the Winn Dixie.  They were portable, kinda cute, and smelled pretty good coming out of the plastic steam bag.  The kids were acting appropriately …

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Mug Shot

Piddling Things

  “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” “It’s all small stuff.” “Don’t let things get to you.” “Don’t bottle it up.  Speak your mind!” Stand up.  Sit down.  Follow the rules.  Forge your own path.  Be happy.  Life’s not all sunshine and glitter.  Differentiate while you standardize! Carbs will make you fat.  Carbs will give you energy. …

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Horsemanship

Predators, Studs, and the Art of Pasture Maintenance

Living on a farm is a real “Circle of Life” kind of experience. Papa from A Day No Pigs Would Die said, “Dyin’ and getting bornt is dirty work.”  He wasn’t exaggerating.  Raising animals, kind of like raising teenagers, can get downright grisly.  I’m lucky enough to get to do both!  Here’s what we have going …

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Rocky's Hurricane Wine Punch

Nate’n To It

  The tailwinds of  Hurricane Nate whistle through the trees this morning, providing a rhythm section to birdsong and punctuated by the cymbal shriek of our guineafowl and the deep baritone bray of Jack the Ass.  Aside from a forgotten wind chime, spread-eagle on the grass, all is as it should be on the farm. …

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Faulkner

Sound and Fury

I washed my vitamins down with a wine cooler yesterday.  It was that kind of week…a week of ups and downs, wins and losses, sin and redemption.  It was the kind of week where I added the being to the doing and came up a little short in every department.  Some weeks go like that, I …

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A Quiet Moment

Slipping the Vortex

It’s mid-September and I’m caught–even though I swore I wouldn’t let myself get this way again–in the vortex.  It’s not a matter of poor planning.  Those of you who know me well enough to forgive me for my quirks know that whenever someone comments on one of my “OCD” tendencies, I am quick to respond that …

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Joy

A Pilgrimage of Sorts

Sometimes I allow myself to engage in fantasies of Heaven.  I hope it’s not sinful because I myopically imagine the Hereafter in completely human terms, but I suppose that’s precisely what God expects.  How egocentrically I picture it all, this wonderful other prepared for my decidedly undeserving reward.  Is it even possible that one day God …

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Rocky Porch Moore

The NOT-As-Fat Lady Sings: Amazing Fat-Burning Machine Finale

  My six-week odyssey with UltraSlim has drawn to a close.  I’d like to give a shout-out to the good folks at One Life Chiropractic/Gulf Coast UltraSlim for putting up with me and my antics along the journey, especially for looking the other way while I practiced my dance moves and Darth Vader voice on the …

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Halftime with the Amazing Fat Burning Machine

After three sessions with UltraSlim, the amazing fat zapper, I have reached the halfway point of my targeted treatment plan.  The results speak for themselves:  there’s 8 1/4 inches less of me to lug around.  The scale has tipped enough for me to move that lever down a notch.  At certain times of the day, I …

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UltraSlim

Adventures of the Amazing Fat-Burning Machine

  If you look up the word skeptic in the dictionary, don’t be surprised to see my face sporting that “Yeah, right” look.  So, when I first heard about Ultra-Slim light therapy treatments I laughed and went on munching my chips and salsa.  Then, I started reading and researching about Ultra-Slim and my curiosity was piqued. …

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Ugly Biscuits

Ugly Biscuits

Sometimes, you just need a buttery homemade biscuit.  Whomp biscuits, even the “good” kind, simply won’t do.  You know what a whomp biscuit is, don’t you?  It comes in a can and you whomp it against the countertop to open it up and plop those molded lumps of dough on the pan.  12 minutes or so …

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