Rocky Porch Moore

I should have known that a household-wide linen cleaning would lead to destruction.  I’m talking comforters, sheets, pillow cases, and pillows for four bedrooms.  My house smelled so clean and fresh!  I even arranged a throw pillow or two and spread one of my grandmother’s handmade quilts over my daughter’s bed.  For once, all four bedrooms were picture perfect.   I totally set myself up for this.

We have a running joke at the farm:  if you change the sheets, you run the chance of falling victim to the linen curse.  It doesn’t happen every time, but it does happen with enough frequency to question its veracity.  Fresh sheets?  Expect a cat to throw up a hairball.  New pillow?  Expect the dog to pee on it.  Freshly laundered, sun-dried, ultra-fresh comforter?  Expect dysentery.

So, yes.  I was spitting into the wind of fate.

Everything was great.  I fell asleep in blissfully fresh linens, breathing in the faint scent of bleach bathed in lavender.  Around 1AM, my 13 year old awakened me with, “Mom, I threw up.  Don’t worry I’ll clean it up.”  Yep…the VERY kid who got the antique handmade quilt on her bed.


I hear the shower start up, so I know it’s bad.  No way I’m leaving this up to her to clean up;  this is the child who loads the dishwasher so haphazardly it looks like a preschool puzzle gone bad.  I get up to investigate.  Oh…my…goodness.

It’s everywhere and it’s the grossest kind.  Her bedroom looks like she made an olympic sport of heaving.  Pillow hit.  Comforter hit.  Sheets hit.  Mattress soaked.  Meemaw’s quilt?  Bullseye.

While she’s showering, I very carefully transport all the disgustingness back to the washing machines.  Thank goodness I have a double set;  smartest purchase ever!  I get her settled on the couch because I have to fumigate her room and spread baking soda on the mattress.  She thanks me for not yelling at her.

How could I be upset with her?  I brought it all on myself with my cleaning frenzy.  No doubt I’ll be staggering the deep cleaning in the future.  At least that way, I spread out the odds of the linen curse striking again.

After all, I pretty much asked for it.



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