Rocky Porch Moore


My six-week odyssey with UltraSlim has drawn to a close.  I’d like to give a shout-out to the good folks at One Life Chiropractic/Gulf Coast UltraSlim for putting up with me and my antics along the journey, especially for looking the other way while I practiced my dance moves and Darth Vader voice on the vibrating stepper thingy.  They get my “glowing” recommendation.

So, what are the results and what have I learned over the course of six weeks?  Read on, gentle reader, and I’ll give you the low-down.

  1.  IT WORKS!  Whether it was the groovy infrared lighting, the introduction of  drinking water into my life, or the social pressure of getting down to my skivvies in front of a former student (Sorry, Doc, I can’t help but see the adorable little 7th grader in you) just doesn’t really matter.  I’ve lost 12 pounds.  Full disclosure:  I found two of them back last weekend in a football glutton-festival of wings, fries, nuts, pound cake, and cream soda.  Roll Tide!  I’ve since atoned for my glorious indiscretion.

2.  My clothes fit better everywhere, but I’m proud to report that I wore size 8 pants to school TWICE this week!  This is the first time I’ve hit the single digits in a couple of years, so yeah, I’m proud.  So proud, in fact, that I put two other pairs of pants that were swallowing me whole in the give-away basket!

3.  Aside from a little bit of…okay, a whole lot of tailgating, I’ve quit grazing.  I’ve made an investment to drop a few and it just doesn’t make sense to undermine what I’ve spent.  Yeah, the printouts after each Ultraslim session show calories “forgiven” and I chuckle at the pitchy semantics.  It stands to reason that one will net better results if one refrains from free-range stuffing while receiving the treatments.  Of course, it’s human nature to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  I’m trying not to do that.

4.  Six weeks is a great timeframe for establishing a habit.  What habit have I gotten into?  It’s the drinking of water.  Seriously.  I’m the person who has fallen off the “No Cola Wagon” numerous times.  Whereas it would be rare in the past to see me without a Coke in hand, now I’m toting water.  I credit UltraSlim with this change.  Will I ever slug a Coke again?  Sure.  You just won’t see me sucking on one all day long like a sugar teat anymore.  Drinking an entire gallon of H2O was, and still is, a bit much for me, but now I actually prefer water over Coke and even sweet tea.  Who would’ve thunk it?

5.  There’s an extra spring in my step.  Maybe it’s because I have a higher center of gravity.  Maybe it’s because I no longer fear putting out someone’s eye with a projectile button flying off my jeans.  Maybe it’s because I just don’t feel as frumpy.  Oh, don’t worry.   I’m well past the point of middle-aged invisibility.  I won’t be putting on airs or trolling the aisles of Forever 21 looking for that perfect crop top with jeggings combo.  I’ve lost a little weight, not my mind!

So, the ultimate question is… was the Amazing Fat Burning Machine worth it?  Absolutely.  Would I do it again?  Why wouldn’t I?  I’ve gotten concrete, measurable results without feeling deprived, irritable, or sick. My silhouette no longer resembles a fireplug and my whole general attitude has improved.  Is Ultraslim right for you?  I don’t know, but like Hooked on Phonics, it worked for me.

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